No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize