I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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