You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
