Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
