I've blown a few things in my day
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize