I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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