I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
