im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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