I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
