Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
