I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
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