I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
