The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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