Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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