sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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