Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
