hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
