We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
