i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Please don't give away my fajitas
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize