yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
