I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
and she was petting her beer can
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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