stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
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