I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
