As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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