Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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