I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize