Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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