I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
