Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
