The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
