Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
