You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
