sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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