hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
