I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Can I color on your dick again?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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