is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
