Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
