if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
