At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
