I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize