Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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