I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
