I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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