Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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