Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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