Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
