I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
