Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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