I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
