I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
