i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
