Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize