dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
