They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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