"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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