oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
