I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Randomize
