her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Who put my cat in the fridge?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
