God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
