i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Randomize
