u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
