drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
