apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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