I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
do nipples grow back?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
