can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
