BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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