WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
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