I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
