Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
The adults are the big ones right?
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