suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
