if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
There are leaves in my underwear?
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