I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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