i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
