Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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