She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
