I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
