I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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