no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
