Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
