Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
