I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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