I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
