I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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