Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
