Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
You smell like stripper and shame
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
