Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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