Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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