i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
