What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
