Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
