I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
