my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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